Wondering and Wandering with Forgiveness
When I was in college, game nights were a big deal. Scattegories, Trivial Pursuit, Balderdash… And I loved them all!
One of my favorites was called Conversation Pieces. It had all sorts of questions, from the light and silly to the deep and serious. It was a game that encouraged vulnerability.
One of the questions that has stayed with me was, “How would you memorialize your life after you died?” All kinds of answers emerged. Mine was focused on friendship, that I would create a wall like the Vietnam Memorial with all the names of those who loved me and who I loved engraved.
Lately I have been thinking about forgiveness. And there is very little light and silly about those questions: “Who needs your forgiveness? Who do you need to forgive? What are you holding onto?”
When I think about it, I get overwhelmed wondering if the names, situations, and moments are as vast as the grains of sand on the beach. Is it even possible to find that much forgiveness? Is it is even attainable to offer that much?
Jesus must have loved the conversation piece questions about forgiveness, because it was a centerpiece to his ministry. In the Gospels of Matthew and Luke especially there are words and phrases and stories and such focused on forgiveness. It makes me wonder what Jesus saw or experienced or heard about that made forgiveness get so much of his attention.
Some forgiveness stories get endings.
Apologies are offered.
Tears are shed.
Reconciliation happens.
But many do not.
Some people die before the conversation.
Some relationships fracture beyond repair.
Some wounds are never acknowledged.
Some people cannot or will not name the harm they caused.
And yet somehow, even then, forgiveness still sits before us like one of Jesus’ impossible invitations.
One of the hardest realities of life for me is all the things that I will never be able to do. One more trip to the beach with my mom. One more dinner with Neal. One more belly rub or tug of war with my dog Molly. These are at least reconcilable in my heart and head.
But the harder ones are the places of forgiveness. Sometimes the person is gone because of a physical death. Sometimes the person is gone because the relationship died.
So, then what are we to do?
I think the reason it’s hard is because it has to start with us, inside of us, just between us and God. It is the slow work of loosening our grip on the pain.
The grief.
The anger.
The conversation we never got to finish.
Sometimes forgiveness is reconciliation.
But sometimes it is simply refusing to let the wound become the holiest thing about us.
Maybe that is why Jesus returned to forgiveness again and again and again.
Because he knew how heavy unfinished conversations can become.
The internal work of forgiving ourselves for whatever may be and then offering that into the universe, acknowledging that holding on to the pain is too much to bear.
Maybe forgiveness is not forgetting.
Maybe it is not an excuse.
Maybe it is not even reconciliation.
Maybe forgiveness is simply the sacred decision that pain will not have the final word.
I think this is the place I am trying to find. I have not arrived yet. However, I have made the choice to start down the road. After all, it's what Jesus calls us to do.
If you are on a similar path and need some encouragement, reach out to me or someone else. I assure you, you are not alone.
Peace.
Pastor Carrie
Senior Pastor | Second Baptist Church